The uncorroborated medical records from 2 unnamed players from an unnamed AFL club show that they have been receiving counselling for having carried Equine Influenza into the AFL scene.  An unnamed source has sold the unsubstantiated papers for an undisclosed sum to The Mugpunter.  We have it on good authority that both positive tested players were, in fact, first round draft picks and come from a club with the worst looking jumper in the league.  Undisclosed legalities prevent us from uncovering more.

All interstate games will now be banned, meaning that the AFL finals will be limited to clubs from Victoria.  This will mean that the Saints will make the 8, along with, Essendon, the Dogs and the Dees.  There is even talk of Geelong being banned from travel to Melbourne, meaning that, as usual, the Tiges will miss the 8 by one spot.

Due to quarantine restrictions, the MCG and the Dome are also off limits, meaning the finals will be played at Junction Oval and Moorabbin

Ah, the joy ….