The Venue
The Mug is on a quest - to find the quintessential PubTab. There are many defining criteria of this assessment, but I’ve distilled them into a few themes.
- Tracky dacks - the lower hanging the better, preferably with holes, faded black the colour of the day. No doubt as more venues are assessed this will widen into a general comment on sartorial elegance, but for now, the low hangin’ tracky is it.
- Taxi drivers - a minimum of 5 empty cabs should be parked outside the venue at all times. There should be at least 1 driver who is there for the entire length of your stay. Ideally he’ll have been there for the start of NZ and be taking on the last score up at Gloucester Park, but if you see witness this, then you’re in trouble!
- Lack of oestrogen (staff excluded) - A suitable venue will be a deterrent for any woman who bathes. Besides, women can only serve to distract from the punt. This rule will be waived for women with no teeth
- Smoke - lots and lots and lots of cigarette smoke. Breathing is overrated. The day smoking is banned in the pubtab is the day I stop gambling
- Free Greasy Food - you don’t ask, you just eat - it might be all you get this week!
No doubt these categories will expand and splinter, but they’ll always be remembered as the core.
Assessments of the tried and trusted venues will follow soon. Feel free to post in your own assessments or comment on the Mug’s.
The Mug